I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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