Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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