She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize