Quick, to the slutcave!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
