Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
