Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We don't watch enough power rangers
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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