I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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