And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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