He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Someone came in the potted fern
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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