tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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