College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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