so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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