just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
