I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
