Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
