Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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