I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
