no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
