so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
