We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
