her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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