im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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