Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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