She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
