You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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