your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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