weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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