I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
