He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
