i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
