I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
