I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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