Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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