My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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