my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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