Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
