My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Randomize
