What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
