he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize