nut hugger
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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