Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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