wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
