I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
