how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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