Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
