I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize