I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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