there's paper in my vomit.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
