and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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