Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
