so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
