He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
