Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
