Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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