Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
