At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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