just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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