Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
