Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize