I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
