I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
the liver wants what the liver wants
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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