i permit you to call me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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