just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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