Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
All I want is dick and wine.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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