he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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