Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
