he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
