sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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