Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
