I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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