I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The best revenge is premature balding
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
