and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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