i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I lost the right to judge tonight
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
