I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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