At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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