You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
