I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it's like iHOP with fire
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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