no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize