Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
