Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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