do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
