Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
