This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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