So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
