Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
