i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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