Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
