I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
