I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
