It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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