hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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