The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
